I was miserable. But fuck a squirrel if I was about to actually admit that out loud. It could stay rotting in my head forever. It had been one week and three days since I last saw Evanface and for some reason it was killing my insides. Fucking jerk implanted some sort of pod in me or something. I wouldn't be surprised if an alien popped out of my chest this second. Fucking aliens.
"Earth to Oliviaaaaaa...is it normal for her to look at the cash register like that?"
"I don't know, what do I look like? A clock?"
"What the hell? Why would a clock know if it is normal to look at a cash register like that?"
"Because duuuuh, Beauty and the Beast a-hellooooo."
"Oh right right. So, should I call someone?"
"Like who?"
"I don't know. Like, the repair shop or something?"
"Holy mute button will you all shut the hell up?" I finally snapped out of my concussion long enough to tell my seriously lacking in brain substances employees to die.
"Eureka!"
"I used to love that show!"
"Omigod me too!" And the rambling went on as I rubbed my temples with my fist. I couldn't have been less in the mood for appearing for work today if I had been shot in all of my limbs and dragged across the country to a McDonald's and then stuffed with cold french fries. All I wanted to do was get drunk, eat a lot of Len's pizza, and watch movies that I made fun of with Kare, but secretly liked, with Charlie Brown. To top off my foul mood, my three yapping hyenas wouldn't SHUT UP about how hot Evan was and omigosh he smelled SO good, and did you FEEL his arms, and did you SEE that face, and did you HEAR that voice, and I would TOTALLY have sex with him, and-
"You're not going out with him right Liv?" This woke me up from my seizure.
"What?"
"With Van?"
"Who's Van?"
"Only duh, Evan. Everyone calls him Van. Didn't you know?"
"Wait, how do you all know him?"
"Well he invited us to his party last Friday and we're all going up to that bar he works at this weekend."
"Yeah, and me thinks he has a thing for little Annnnnn." Lauri teased. I made a mental note to poison Ann in her sleep. And what the hell? She wasn't even THAT hot....ok so maybe her dark brown hair that came down to her chin in a Victoria Beckham cut was appealing, especially the way it clashed with her gray eyes and pouty small lips and what the FUCK when did Ann get so hot?!?!?! And-
"He works at a bar?"
"So I'm guessing that means you AREN'T going out with him since you know NOTHING about him. But yes, he does work at a bar, at Veecos actually." Lauri said smartly.
"Oh good, I thought you two had a thing. That means that I can wear that outfit we were talking about yesterday." She chirped happily at Farah. They all did a little jump and I narrowed my eyes at them as I envisioned an anvil falling on all three of them, Coyote and Road Runner style. They were DEFINITELY coyotes...hot ones.
"That is what you get for hiring prostitutes you dolt." Kare, as usual, was being very sympathetic to my case.
"And besides, I thought you didn't even like Evan. What do you care if the dogs move in on him?" I crossed my arms across my chest as I leaned against the glass window at Len's pizza place. We were waiting for our pizzas...plural.
"Shut up I don't care. I was just gossiping."
"Ahuh."
"Shut up."
"I seriously don't understand what is wrong with you. I mean, this gorgeous sexy sexy man jumps into your life and wants to have hot yummy sex with you and you're so ungrateful and stupid that you tell him to leave you alone. You're like those blind people who want to stay blind."
"I am not, he just wasn't my type."
"Oh pshhhhhheverrrrr, what exactly is your type then, Oli?"
"Well for one thing a decent human being. I mean, who the fuck makes dares to see if they can sleep with people? That is like from those stupid teen movies; SO lame!"
"Holy fuck you're going to turn into that girl from The Grudge if you don't watch out."
"Hey, if Bill Pullman ditched me for his wife I'd come back from the dead and kill people too."
"He didn't ditch her, they weren't even ever together. That weird girl had, like, an obsession with him, and then her husband found out and got all jealous and killed her and their cat kid."
"Cat kid?"
"Yeah totally; that kid made cat noises, what the fuck was up with that?"
"Didn't he drown the kid and the cat together or something?"
"No he threw the cat against the wall so hard it exploded, remember? There was, like, blood everywhere."
"Oh yeahhh! Ewww, grossest movie ever. I can't talk about it anymore."
"You'll probably turn into the jealous husband and kill Evan and Ann, ahah."
"What the fuck no I won't, I'm not jealous at all."
"Yeuh okay, and I'm King Kong."
"It was beauty killed the beast."