So it was Saturday night and I was going to be stuck looking at asshole and being around his asshole friends and having to be in his asshole apartment.
Can I please tell you how much I want to kill Kare? Cause I do.
"Tell me again why we're friends?"
"Because I get you laid you ungrateful worm."
"Oh so Jimmy never called?"
"No the bastard. I figure he's with Lauri since I didn't find him at Vikis." Jimmy has way too much sex with way too many girls.
"Gross."
"Yeuh."
I was wearing some tight dark gray skinny jeans, my red ballet flats and a tight white t-shirt that said "spork queen" on it in red print. My hair was down and in it's usual long wavy mess but fuck if I was going to get all glammed up for an asshole party. Kare on the other hand was wearing short black shorts and a black vest...nothing else...well, and her black flip flops but duh. We were currently driving to 118 Meadow Lake and I was not happy about it. I was upset to find out that whatshisname lived less than five minutes from my place, very upset. It took Kare ten minutes to get me out of the car but we were finally ringing the doorbell to an apartment on the first floor; pretty nice apartments, the asshole. Some dude answered it, a blue cup in his hand and a stupid look on his face.
"Hi!" He shouted.
"Yeah, is Evan here?" Kare asked, no emotion or signs of her being a feeling human being apparent in her voice. The guy nodded and moved to let us in.
"He should be outside!"
"Thanks! You don't need to shout!" Seriously he didn't, the music was playing in another room entirely, so the guy was only making himself look mental. He just laughed and nodded his head. We made our way through the cold apartment, it was the usual apartment only a bit bigger and with less furniture and decorations. There was also the random calendar of a naked girl and an excess amount of potato chip bags laying around. Guys totally lived here. The ratio for guys to girls was 10 to 1 but Kare didn't look worried about all the stares she was getting. I on the other hand was practically barking at everyone. Finally, we reached the glass slidey doors and slipped outside. Fuck, if I thought the inside was ugly the outside was like a vomited up version of it. Ugliest backyard patio area ever. Just trust me.
"Hey, Kare, you came." Came a voice from the left. We both turned at the same time and came face to face with douche face himself...looking amazing in a tight black muscle shirt and fitted gray Levis. I hate him.
"Evan, hi." Kare nodded her pretty little head at him and then moved to the side a bit so we could all stand uncomfortably close to each other.
"I see you had hobos decorate the place." I said smugly, resisting the urge to stick my tongue out at him. He grinned, his eyes sparkling unnaturally because he's actually a robot.
"Well, I couldn't say no to your parents." I scoffed.
"Well.....shutthefuckup." Was my lame retort.
"Yeah, didn't think that wit was endless."
"Woah wow I hate you soooooooooooooooooooo(I took a breath)oooooooo much." I crossed my arms, a tight knotted feeling of hatred building in my chest for the lanky boy in front of me. I wanted to rip that stupid stupid smug grin off his too good for him chin and and and just...rawg!
"You were singing a different tune the other night. Something like, OH EVAN! OH FUCK YES! OH OH O-" I clamped my hand over his mouth, completely disgusted by his impersonation of me. I looked around to see if anyone had noticed but nobody had even flinched; like making sex noises around here was normal. I also realized that Kare had been long gone, talking now with a pretty red headed boy. A wet feeling against my palm had me flicking my hand off Evan's mouth like he had burned me.
"Ah! Ew ew ew I HATE saliva! Omigod you're so gross! And don't ever do sex sounds again!" I slid my hand down his chest to wipe the spit off and it was the dumbest thing I've ever done...besides that one time I ate nail polish. I ended up feeling every bit of muscle under his shirt, which let me tell you, those muscles sure know what they're doing; it only took them .5 seconds to get me flushed and flustered and bothered. Which was obvious by the sudden tomato red shade my face and neck and ears had taken. My hand paused at his waist line and it was awkward.
Evan smirked.
"Don't even." I said snapping a pointed finger up at his face and taking my hand away from his person.
"I didn't say anything." Evan said smugly. I shifted away from him and leaned up against the rough brick wall, crossing my arms against my chest with a pout.
"You want a drink?" Evan asked silkily.
"Um...we had sex." I said uncomfortably. Evan quirked an eyebrow.
"Was that a yes or a no?"
"No, I mean, we had sex...and I can't even remember if it was good or not." His face blanked.
"You don't remember it?"
"No."
"That sucks."
"Yeah...well, it would if I wanted to remember it, which I don't. So actually, I'm quite happy about the situation." I smirked here. Evan came up close to me and leaned an arm over my head like a rainbow, his face lowered a notch to be more leveled with mine. My breath hitched a little but I pretended it was from disgust as suppose to from....that other thing.
"Would you like for me to refresh your memory?" He said huskily, but not with arrogance like I had expected, just calmly and plainly as if he had asked if I would have liked some more tea.
I flushed red.
"About as much as I want to chew my own hand off." He leaned away from me with a quick laugh.
"Too bad. Maybe I'll ask your friend."
"Psh, good luck. You're not her type, you're not even MY type so you're definitely not Kare's type."
"Well what's your type then?"
"The opposite of you."
"Ugly, stupid and a lesbian?"
"You love yourself. And technically, if the opposite of you is a lesbian then you just called yourself gay because lesbians like girls."
"Well technically you're an idiot."
"Well technically I can't stand you."
"Well technically the feelings mutual."
"Well technically if the feeling is mutual then get the hell away from me."
"Well technically even though I think you're a total fucking bitch I seem to have a thing for your body."
"Well technically that is so disgusting I might vomit all over your face."
"Well technically that'd be really fucking gross."
"Well tech-" He had been coming closer and closer to me through out the entire technical conversation and now he had his lips pressed up against mine. My arms were still crossed and his were on either side of me, the only parts of us touching were our lips. The kiss was weird. I think this is how Nazis would kiss if they were human. He angled his head to try and part my lips but they were clamped shut. No way was I letting his little worm-tongue into my mouth. Ew, no. I felt his hand land just below my butt and he squeezed the flesh there. I gasped in horror and his worm won the race, entering my mouth and playing patty cake with my worm. The entire worm analogy going on in my head was enough to gross me out so I placed my hands on his chest to push him away. All that accomplished was him pressing his entire fucking body against me hotly. He was so hot, and not in the sexy way but in the sweaty way...well I suppose in the sexy way too but more in the sweaty way. One of his hands slinked around my neck and pulled me closer to his face, the other landed on my lower back and arched me into him. It wasn't an all together unpleasant event, it just came so suddenly out of nowhere I didn't even know what to think of it. Finally, he pulled away from me, his hands still in their places, but his lips open and away from mine.
"You're a bitch."
"Yes, I know, we already went over this." And then I was slinging my arms around his upper back and pulling him back to me.
Yeah, I wish I could blame the alcohol but I hadn't had any.
So...remember that one time I was like, all grossed out because I had had sex with a stranger? Yeah, well apparently it's my new thing. Once again I awoke to me in the nude; which I'd normally have no problem with except for the fact that I had Evan's face practically planted between my breast. I gasped in horror but this time couldn't blame anyone except my ovaries.
"Fuck you ovaries." I hissed, glaring my eyes at my lower stomach where I'm guessing my ovaries reside. Luckily (fuck you ovaries!) for fucking nobody, Evan was still asleep. But my serious luck was that there was nobody videotaping my bedroom activities therefore no proof of what I was about to go down could ever be documented. It began with me sliding slowly to the left, towards the edge of my bed. As I tried to slither away from the peacefully sleeping boy his head, naturally, slid from in between my breast and onto my right boob. He moved his head a bit and I slid a bit more and it ended with his mouth right over my nipple. Fucking ovaries. Just at that moment Charlie Brown walked in (and is probably scarred for life) and oinked a cute little oink. That was enough to wake up dear Evan boy; a nipple in his mouth and a fully naked girl looking at him guiltily. He licked his lips, unaware of my BOOB IN HIS FUCKING MOUTH, and I couldn't stop the shiver that ran through my body. His head lifted suddenly and he looked down on me in confusion.
"Ummm..."
"Hi." I said before he could say anything else. He looked at Charlie Brown and then around my room and then back down at me.
"Hi."
So um, get the hell off me much? But I didn't say this because currently my nipples were acting like it was cold in the room (which it wasn't since I had a boy on top of me) and I was naked and, again, I wasn't drunk or hungover and he didn't seem so either and ouch my pride. He sat up finally and rubbed his face with his hands, meanwhile, I, suddenly acting the blushing bride, grabbed a t-shirt and ripped it over me.
"That's my shirt." He said looking over at me, his hair all ruffled and his face still sleepy looking.
"Oh, right." I blushed hotly while taking the shirt off again and, once again, being naked. Did I mention I run a nudist colony on my spare time?
"Where are you going?" He yawned slowly and then looked back up at me.
"Oh, right." I hopped back into the bed and threw the covers over me. For some reason unknown to me I was acting like a stupid moron. I couldn't quite place the fuzzy brain, sweaty palms, shallow breaths, curling toes feeling I was currently experiencing and having a cute naked boy next to me wasn't helping. He pulled the covers off my face (I hadn't realized I had thrown myself COMPLETELY under them) and grinned down at me.
"What's the matter?"
"Nada." I said not making eye contact.
"Are you embarrassed?"
"Why would I be embarrassed?"
"Just asking. Are you...do you want to..." He trailed off and I didn't like the way he was smiling at me. And when I say I didn't like the way he was smiling at me I mean that I didn't like the way my ovaries were responding to his smiling at me.
"What?" He gave me a half grin and then leaned down and pecked my lips, pulling away after only a second but hovering above my face, his eyes on mine as if asking something. My breath was shallow again and I tried to push myself even further into the bed; he followed. One of his arms snaked around my waist and the other went under my shoulder to hold me steady. He brought his lips down on me again leaving them there, waiting to see if I would continue the kiss now that he had practically locked me into it. I furrowed my brows and kept the unusually close eye contact with him. I felt him grin into my lips. I pursed my lips tight, to make sure he got the point that I didn't want any more kisses but he didn't budge. Can I please say that this is the most awkward situation I have ever been in? Because it is. Even weirder than that one time I tripped over the curb and landed on top of a car that was waiting at a stop light and then the girl in the car looked at me like I was going to be one of those movie action people that tell people to get out of the car because they need to borrow it. And that's how I met Kare. Movement from above me brought me back to what was happening in the same room with me and I saw that Evan was now hovering over me, I could feel his...pointerthingy against my thigh and I felt my entire body flush.
"What are you doing?" I said into his lips.
"What does it look like I'm doing?" He said back.
"I don't know actually."
"I want sex." He said finally lifting his lips completely off mine.
"Didn't you already get some you greedy bastard?" It was a squeal.
"I want more."
"Can't you get it elsewhere? I think I've been quite generous."
"But I'm here now." He semi-whined.
"Oh so I'm a convenience store of sex? It's convenient so why not? Thanks but get off."
"No." He was full out pouting now, and sliding his hands up and down my sides. My hands finally decided to join my brain and moved to his shoulders to push him off.
"No no no." He pouted again at my action, digging his face into my neck and nuzzling it.
"Um, what are you doing?"
"I'm trying to turn you on...is it working?" he bucked his hips against mine and my eyes flashed wide.
"Ah! Don't DO that! Seriously, I don't want to have anymore sex with you ever again!"
"Why not?" He asked with a serious tone, rising his face back up to mine, looking all insulted.
"Because I don't even LIKE you, and and I don't even KNOW you."
"So how do you know if you don't like me if you don't even know me?"
"Because I know that you make random bets with your friends to screw over girls."
"Well this wasn't part of the bet so who cares."
"Should I be flattered? Guys will have sex with anything that is willing."
"So you were willing so why are you getting angry at me?"
"I'm not! You're just on top of me and it's starting to get hot!" He grinned at this.
"Good." And then he was rubbing his body against mine slowly and kissing me and I resisted, really I did, really...okay fuck off I didn't resist AT ALL. We were half way into getting positioned for sex again (my boob in his hand, his arm under my leg, my hand fisting the sheets, another in his hair) when I heard a banging at the front door.
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck it's Kare for hangover morning time ah ah ah ah!
Evan just kept kissing EVERYWHERE, pinning me to my bed.
"I have to get that, it's Kare." I managed to get out between gasps of air. Evan just shook his head no as he kissed my collarbone.
"Y-yes I have to." He rocked his hips into mine and my head went back and I closed my eyes trying to disappear Kare into the Twilight Zone for just a few more minutes. The knocking continued and I could hear my cellphone going off somewhere in my room, under something.
"Fuck." I said throatily. Evan was about to enter me when I finally rolled him onto his back so that I was straddling his stomach. His eyes were glazed over and his hands went immediately to my hips while he rose up to kiss me on the chest.
"S-stop." I said as I pushed him back down and tried to get off of him. His hands on my hips caused quite a problem however, he kept me hovering above him a little before he finally growled and pushed me off the bed, rolling onto his side, looking away from me. I grabbed my robe and threw it on on the way to the front door where Kare was waiting not so patiently.
"-the HELL Olivia?! Are you dead in there?! Should I call the police?! Are you fucking murdered?! OLIVIA I AM CALLING THE POLICE JUST HOLD O-" I opened the door and Kare was sitting on the first step smoking casually, like she wasn't just yelling about calling the police.
"Ah finally you babis." She said as she tapped my nose and walked in, heading straight for the kitchen.
"So spill. One second you're all 'I hate you Kare, I can't believe I'm here' and the next you're running off with lover boy."
"Shhhh!" I hissed as I neared her. She spun around with a smile.
"You whore!" She whispered excitedly.
"He's still here isn't he? Ok ok, I'll go, but you owe me lunch later you fucking trashy whore you." She giggled, winked at me and then left the same way she came in. I sighed but didn't know if it was in relief or in misery. I walked back into my bedroom only to find Evan with his back to me, buttoning up his jeans and then grabbing for his shirt.
"What are you doing?" I asked suddenly nervous. He turned around with an air of indifference and shrugged his left shoulder.
"The thing about one night stands is you leave in the morning." I glared at him. A minute ago he was all heatedly in lust with me and now he was acting as if I owed him money.
"Oh, fine. You can let yourself out then, I need a shower." I stripped off my robe and brushed past him slowly, entering my bathroom and turning around to shut the door, his eyes roaming my body being the last thing I saw before I slammed the door on his face.
Bastard bastard bastard!