I woke up the next morning feeling like a fat person was sitting on my head.
"Oh what the fuck." I said as I squinted at the obnoxious amount of sunshine flooding through all of my fifty gazillion windows. I felt movement next to me but figured it was Charlie Brown. It was only when I stood up to close all the blinds in my room that I realized I was naked. Well shit.
"Mmm, where are you going?" Charlie Brown can talk?! No. But that naked guy in my bed sure as fuck can. I stood wide eyed, and naked, in the middle of my bedroom. The blond sat up in my bed and gave me a lazy grin. Oh ew, I hate blonds.
"Did we have SEX?!" No point in pretending I can remember. He laughed. Whatthefuckno.
"Uhyeah."
"Holy shit, WHY?!" And that's when I recognized him as the boy who was dared to fuck me for five hundred. Oh wow I suck.
"Aha, because you wanted to."
"Did not, oh my god, get the hell out!" I was screaming because it helps in stressful situations to appear as crazy as possible. He looked like he was becoming annoyed with me but it quickly vanished as he stood up and pulled me to him, our naked bodies now touching in a not all together unpleasant but seriously disturbing way.
"You sure as hell seemed okay with me being here last night." He whispered into my mouth as his hands ran over my lower back. I pushed him off of me and started to throw his clothes at him. I was still naked but oh my god like he hasn't already seen me naked, seriously.
"You are a pervert! Get out get out before I call the poliiiiiiice!"
"And say what? Help me I had sex with someone! Seriously, chill the fuck out." No he did not just talk to me like he lives here. I glared at him, a good hard glare that didn't seem to move him.
"Get. Out." Seriously is he for real? God, fuck you tequila, fuck you. He dressed, slowly, and then I walked him (I'm still naked) to the front door angrily. I opened it quickly but didn't have time to react to his kissing me hard on the lips. It was dry and rough and when he pulled away I had to gasp for air.
"Asshole!" And then I slammed the door on his grinning face.
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"Christ Kare, I've NEVER had a one night stand!! I feel gross and eww and poor Charlie Brown probably didn't know why a guy was in his bed!" I hugged Charlie Brown close to me as Kare looked at me groggily. She was hungover, but she always comes over with pineapple juice for our hangover mornings.
"Well you said he was hot so I seriously don't know why you won't shutthefuck up about it."
"Because you're a bitch so I can't."
"I think Jimmy is cheating on me."
"He can't be, you two aren't even together."
"Yeah he's just an asshole. What was his name?"
"I don't fucking know...or care. I thought he was gay. He probably is. I bet fucking Trent told the entire gay community to screw me over. What a fucking asshole, I can't believe I ever dated him!"
"Well you definitely got screwed."
"This is some damn good juice."
"Ah thanks, I put limes in it this time."
"Fucking great." We went on for another hour with our usual all over the place conversation and finally Kare left because she had to go threaten some girl she had seen Jimmy kissing. It was around dinner time when I realized I was not in the mood to make something. I put on my black skinny jeans and a turquoise hoodie and then walked over to Len's. Len owns a pizza place. He makes the best vegan pizza in the entire world. Fuck you if you doubt it. Len is a cool kid. He's like ten years older than me and divorced. His ex-wife traumatized him a bit so he refuses to date; instead he just has unfeeling sex with sluts...you know, the usual.
"Hey Len."
"Oli, been wondering when you'd show up." Len's pretty good looking, in an older guy way. He's like that hot teacher that's in every high school; all cute and sweet but you just know he's a pervert deep down.
"The usual but plus more mushrooms."
"Coming up. So whatcha been up to?"
"I had my first one night stand last night. It wasn't so cool though." Len gave me a sympathetic smile.
"They get better." He said sweetly.
"Yeah, well I think it'll be my last. Charlie Brown is all traumatized."
"Ah, thus the extra mushrooms." I nodded. Another person entered the pizza shop so I moved to the side to wait for my order.
It was dark out by the time I reached my street and as I followed the sidewalk towards my house I tried to remember if the sex I had last night was even good. I couldn't remember.
"I love pizza." I wish I had just been talking out loud to myself in a creepy manner but actually someone was sitting on my steps in front of my house. I looked up, startled, and instantly became angry.
"What the HELL are YOU doing here?" Blondy was back with a grin on his amazing jaw and some seriously sexy pants on. Damn he had nice legs.
"Missed you. Didn't you miss me?" Fuck, was he serious? Did I have sex with a loony? He laughed and pulled my head under his arm and gave me a noogy. Aaahuuuuh. I haven't had someone give me a noogy since I was like eight.
"Okaaaaay...?" I said a bit spooked.
"Are you going to, like, be a stalker? Do you want to kill me or something? Are you fucking murderer? Did I have sex with a murderer?!" He laughed here, again.
"Wow you love yourself, but, no actually. I left my wallet here. Or, it fell out when you were acting like a spaz and throwing my clothes at me." I blushed.
"Fuck you stay here I'll get it." Yeup, it was right there on my floor. I grabbed it and then threw it out my front door, slamming it in his face, and locking all the locks on it securely. Effing murderer.