"I can't believe you kissed America's next top presidential candidate."
"I know right. I was obviously having a seizure and he mistook it for me wanting to make out."
"But you did want to make out."
"Yes but I didn't want anyone alive to ever know."
"I can understand that. Oh plus plus, guess what."
"You're pregnant."
"I have a kind of surprise for you but it doesn't arrive until this Friday. Please tell me right now how excited you are."
"Like on a scale?"
"Yes."
"Well knowing your past and reputation..."
"No no pretend you don't."
"If it's anything like that one time you surprised me by telling me you broke my favorite heels but it was ok because they looked bad on me anyways then not very excited."
"You're about as fun as a calculator."
"Or if it's similar to when you dyed my hair in my sleep then I'm definitely not excited and oh my god why am I friends with you."
"Ok ok I get it, shut up. I swear, you kiss one Republican and suddenly you're acting all Jackie Kennedy on me." So I had kissed Tom. It would have been a good kiss if I'd never been kissed before and didn't know any better. He kind of attacked me when we were awkwardly standing in front of his car. He's not all to blame, I did actually say kiss me already. It wasn't my fault. Watching two good looking guys fight will cause a girl to do crazy horny things. But I have to admit, the morning after realization scene sucked...especially since Kare was there to taunt me about it.
"I'm almost thinking about not being friends with you...for at least a day...or a week tops." Was the first thing she said to me when I told her.
"That is so weird; I didn't think Republicans had saliva." Followed it.
"Did he turn into a donkey?" Ended it. Needless to say I was feeling pretty stupid, stupid enough to not answer any of Tom's phone calls. I still firmly believe in the same rules that apply to boys and dating in third grade.
"Lauri where the hell is the mop? I put it here two days ago and now it's missing. Why is it missing?"
"Calm down boss, Ann put it in the closet with the other cleaning supplies."
"I'm perfectly calm. I just hate when things magically move without telling me first."
"Are you on your period?"
"No FARAH I'm not." I said spinning around to face the blunt girl.
"Good because Ann just spilled an entire bag of flower on the eggs you were about to clean up and now the floor kind of looks like a large mixing bowl." Farah laughed here, thinking herself amusing.
"If I cut you up will you die or will it be like Fantasia and I'll just be stuck with fifty little yous?" Farah smiled sweetly.
"I do love that movie."
I was feeling a bit like Lindsay Lohan in that movie where everytime she kisses that one dude they trade luck. Tom had totally given me his bad luck...or at least bad mood. Ever since his stupid little kiss I had felt like pulling a zombie and eating people's brains. And as if my Friday the thirteenth couldn't get any more unlucky I had a few special guests come visit me ten minutes before closing.
I was wiping down the glass on the front door when two figures appeared before it, the taller figure (apprently having not seen me right there through the fucking glass on the other fucking side) pushed the door open. I have to admit I was a little startled when the door punched me in the face and then I punched the floor with my ass. I sat there (spread eagle on the floor) in shock (read: green and white pokadotted undies showing to the world) for a minute collecting myself while the two new customers just stared down at me.
"I didn't know sluts whore underwear." Came an all too familiar voice. I glared up at Evan and that tumor he had growing out of his waist (that one chick he's always with these days).
"Learn that from your mom? We're closed."
"Then why is your open sign on?"
"We don't allow dogs in here."
"We'll be fast." He said as he and tumor walked around me towards the counter.
"I'm going to spit in your food." I yelled behind me. I got up unelegantly, grabbed my rag and pouted my way towards the counter.
"What the fuck do you want?"
"Hm, not sure, what do you want Zans?" Zans? Seriously?
"I don't know, I don't really like sweets." She pouted out in the sweetest voice I'd ever heard, plus that fucking sexy accent, fuck her. Plus what kind of girl doesn't like sweets? Fucking martian.
"Well we'll take two coffees and two cupcakes."
"Duh, what kind of cupcakes genius."
"Suprise us." He smiled a little.
"Two cocksucking cupcakes and two coffees. That'll be a million dollars." I smiled, he handed me a ten.
"Keep the change."
"Oh, really? Thanks, maybe I'll go visit your mom later then."
"You love the your mom jokes."
"Your dad likes the your mom jokes."
"Vannie!" I died of a heartattack at the volume of Ann's voice as she poked herself from the back. Vannie? Shotgun in the face for that.
"Hey Ann." Evan said happily as Ann literally lunged over the counter into his arms. Zans didn't seem to like that. I busied myself with the pouring of two coffees while the trio chatted. I dumped two of my oldest cupcakes into a bag and dumped the entire order on the counter.
"Here. Now leave. We're closing." Zans grabbed the bag and her coffee, apprently she wanted to get away from Ann and her grabby hands.
"Come on Evan." She sexed out. Evan pried Ann off his arm and promised to text her. He grabbed his coffee and gave me a look to say something meaningful I'm sure, I just was never any good at reading meaningful looks so I stuck my tongue out at him, he smiled.
By the time I reached my house I was ready for a bath, some hot tea, and a massage from a super sexy man who wanted to devote his life and attention to me. What I got instead was Kare, a cold house, and another suprise visitor.
I opened my unlocked front door and knew Kare was there.
"Do I need to change my locks again Kare?!" I yelled out. She popped her head out from the kitchen.
"Oh my god, ok, so remember how I told you I had a suprise for you?"
"Fuck. Yeah."
"Well here it is." She smirked.
"I am not an it Kare." I bit my lip happily at the sound of the voice.
"Seriously?" I said with a giggle. A tall boy with dark hair, hazel eyes, and cute freckles stepped out of the kitchen, his hands on his hips and a wicked grin on his boyish face.
"Miss me?"