"That top is boring...and so are those jeans...and those shoes...and yo-"
"And my belt and my hair and my everything; I get it Kare. I'm doing it on purpose so shut up already."
"You look like my mother...cept she doesn't date Republicans."
"I'm not dating him."
"Oh ok, I mean, last time I checked going out with a boy to dinner was considered a date."
"Last time I checked you weren't Wikipedia."
"Just call me Wiki."
"Shut up Wiki...do I seriously look boring?" I asked hopefully. Kare looked me over slowly, from my white and tan checkered leggings to my dark brown jean skirt and all the way up my cream colored sweater.
"Let's just say Nancy Drew will be looking for her outfit tomorrow."
"Fabulous."
"It's bordering on sad how pathetic you are. I mean, if it were me I'd tell the poor dummy to invest in a very sharp knife and a cliff."
"Why would he need both the knife and the cliff?"
"You'd be surprised what some people can live through."
Yes. I had said yes to Tom the Republican's offer to dinner. Call me a push over but there are just so many times a girl can tell a boy she can't go out with him because she has to attend a funeral. If I had used that excuse one more time he'd of thought I was killing people just to not go out with him...which is an idea. A knocking at my door brought me out of my zoning out in front of the mirror while Kare babbled on about death.
"Fuck, he's early."
"Of course he is, he's a momma's boy." I shot Kare a glare and then rushed to open my door. Tom was standing there with a bouquet of daises and a blue blazer. Ew. Flowers? Really?
"Hi."
"Hi, these are for you."
"Thanks. Come in while I get my purse." I turned around and saw Kare rolling her eyes and petting Charlie Brown; they both seemed to be laughing at me...or at my outfit, not sure.
"Tom have you met Kare?"
"Don't think so."
"She's the one that isn't a pig." He waved with a grin and she rose her eyebrows upwards and wobbled her wrist around in the air like a diva/bitch.
"Wow, so you really do have a pig."
"I wouldn't lie about something like that."
"I guess not."
"So, where are you two love bugs off to?" Kare and Tom were standing in the entrance way and Charlie Brown was giving Tom a once over.
"Dinner and a movie."
"How unique and exciting. Just have her home before midnight or you'll be having some words with my shotgun." Tom laughed but once he saw the utter seriousness on Kare's face he faltered.
"Really?"
"Oh, I forgot, you're Republican, sarcasm doesn't work on you." Tom rose an eyebrow in an intimidating way and I thought it was a good time to make our escape.
"Right, well, fun fun, ready Tom?"
"Yes. It was nice meeting you Carol."
"Yes, you too Dick." And I slammed the door behind us.
"She's special."
"She's my besty." And that was that.
Did I ever mention how much I hate/loathe Tex-Mex food? Well here is me mentioning it. In my opinion it is the worst hybrid of two different types of food ever. Some things just do NOT work, Tex-Mex food being one of them. Another thing that doesn't work? Small talk with Tom. It was thirty minutes into dinner, crap food hadn't come yet, and I had already attempted every small talk subject out there with no success.
"I like your..." And then he did a flippy thing with his hand around his head.
"My hair?" It was in the messiest ponytail of my life. Like, hobo meets static electricity messy.
"Yes, yes, your hair. It looks good up."
"Oh. Thanks...yeah." I looked around the room while attempting to be/feel flattered. My eyes locked on a couple walking in right at that moment. Evan...and that perfect women from before. They were holding hands, she looked like she walked off a magazine cover, and he looked...shut up.
"Oh shit fuck, fuck, fuck, shit." Tom froze as he inspected me and my potty mouth.
"Er, um, are you alright?" Um, NO! Sexy asshole just walked in with magazine cover model and I'm dressed like Dorky McDorkster and sitting across a REPUBLICAN!
"Eegatz." I sighed out.
"Excuse me?"
"Nothing. Sorry. I um...forgot...my, um...ribbon." Christ. Worst excuse ever.
"Oh. Right." I held my hand up to my face to hide it and pretended to be very interested in the wall. To my unfortunate luck our waiter grabbed the sexy couple and sat them down one table to our right. Ok, it's ok, just don't laugh too loud, bring attention to yourself, get up to pee, look to the right, move at all and you'll be fine. Eight minutes went by in utter silence but successful evasion from the table of doom. I might have been over reacting/being the worst date ever but...um...I have no excuse, I'm petty and self involved.
"Here we are, one order of vegetarian enchiladas for the senorita. And chicken quesadillas for the senor." I laughed because the waiter is so white boy he probably golfs with Tom here, and yet he was trying his best to pretend to have a Mexican accent. The food was soggy and so hot my hair flattened (further), the steam rising from the plate successfully turning my face red. Lovely.
"Can I also get a refill on my ice tea please?" I asked while fanning my face.
"Sure thing senorita (he pronounced it sin-yur-E-tuh)." Tom waited for me to smile at him before he started on his meal. We luckily finished dinner without any mishaps, conversations, or run-ins with the sexy table. But, we also finished before them, and therefore would have to walk by them. Shit on fire. I stood up like I was Miss America and took Tom's arm (he wasn't offering it but smiled awkwardly anyways), I sashayed as best I could with no rhythm or style as we started our way towards the exit. I looked around like a bobble head, looking anywhere except table of sex, which ended up not being a good idea since I ran smack into a waiter, despite Tom trying to keep me back; I was obviously determined. The waiter was of course carrying Evan and PB (perfect bitch)'s meals and when my knee and face smacked into his he lost his balance. What happened next was like a people pizza; arms, cheese, lettuce, guacamole, legs, curse words, etc. were tossed around for a few seconds and I ended up with my back flat on a table, the waiter in PB's lap, and the tray of food upside down on Evan. Teehee.
"What the fu-...Olivia?"
"Heh, heh, hi Evan."
"What the hell?" He seemed confused. Tom came over then and helped me off the table, food toppling to the floor as I stood. A rush of waiters came over to clean up the mess and Evan's date, between a string of rushed words in what I can only guess was Japanese, ran off to the restrooms. Evan stood then and let himself be cleaned by a female waitress...the bitch.
"Sorry about that...we've got to go now, bye!" I said cheerily as I grabbed Tom's hand and started for the door.
"Wait. You're here with him?" I turned around at that, confused.
"Um. Yes?" Tom, ever the well mannered reached his hand forward to shake Evan's. Evan took it stiffly.
"Hi, I'm Tom."
"Evan. Pleasure." Liar! He's a liar.
"Sorry about the mess. I'll pay for your meals, don't worry about it." Tom said kindly. I turned to him, all doe-eyed because seriously, that is so nice of him.
"Aw, that's so nice of you Tom." I told him so. He smiled shyly and scratched the back of his head like he hadn't realized that it was a kind gesture.
"Oh, don't trouble yourself. It's not your fault your date is a klutz. Really, it's fine." My happy face dropped as I spun around to make a rude blah face at Evan. My mouth was literally opening to spit out angry words when Tom beat me to it.
"Excuse me? Did you just insult my date?" Tom pulled me towards him protectively.
"Not at all. I was merely stating a fact. Olivia is a klutz."
"He-" But I was cut off again.
"Apologize now or you WILL regret it pretty boy."
"Pretty boy?" Evan laughed here...and then his pretty face was punched in by Tom's fist. I stood smartly, mouth agape, watching the two wrestle around on the floor while people tried to pry the two from each other. Wow. Why is that the hottest thing I've ever seen? Tom's fist hit Evan's chin twice before Evan managed to push him off. Then Evan kneed Tom in the stomach and elbowed his back. Tom went down but took Evan with him, grabbing him around the waist and slamming him into some people's table. They pushed and shoved and swung and slammed. It got a little bloody, and both had bruises by the time two huge guys pulled the two away. I saw Evan's date standing off to the side with her hands on her face like she just couldn't believe it. I narrowed my eyes at her for no reason and sent her mental hate. I rushed to Tom once there was no danger of fists flying at my face and grabbed his shoulders.
"Holy cow! (I'm so lame) Are you okay?!" He kept his narrowed eyes focused on Evan but nodded at me; his breathing was heavy and his lip was bleeding. Have I mentioned how much I love it when men act like all primal Tarzan-ish?
"Come on let's get out of here." I grabbed his hand and sent Evan (who had a nasty bruise around his right eye and PB fluttering all over him) an evil look over my shoulder. The look he gave me made me pause for a second; chest heaving, fist clenched at his sides, shirt ripped a little, head lowered, eyes raised and narrowed, and a small little crooked grin on that mouth of his.